Thoughts for a New Year

There is just something refreshing about a new year, the opportunity for a clean start. I know that January 1st is no different from December 31st in terms of minutes long; the sun rises and sets as it does on any other day, but there is a sense of expectation: What will the new year hold? Like many others, I find myself making goals for the year ahead.

First, I want to re-prioritize my time with the Lord. With the demands of school and all the other activities that seem to clutter my days, my quiet time has frequently fallen by the wayside. My desire for Christ has somehow gotten smothered by too many other things that are filling up my schedule. This leaves me feeling rather dry, worn out, and grumpy. I know that the main problem is a lack of discipline on my part, so I need to start getting up a bit earlier in order to meet God.

Secondly, I want to become more deeply involved with the refugees that live in this community. We moved here in July, in response to God's tugging on our hearts. Although I enjoy conversations with my neighbors here and there, I don't think that God moved us here for the occasional chat. I'd like to begin helping with an ESL class on campus here once a week, and by the end of the year, I'd really like to have a women's Bible study started at our house. This is going to require greater intentionality on my part.

As I explore opportunities for teaching and ministry with the refugees here, I also need to reevaluate where I am and where God wants me to go within my career. Sometimes I really enjoying teaching at the high school, and sometimes it is just a burden. I've never really expected to teach high school English until retirement--I don't see how anyone can anymore; it's just so exhausting and consuming, but I guess I keep coming back to the classroom because I know that I can always improve upon what I've done in the past--the perfectionist in me probably. I like Brewer; I like most of my students; I like the staff. I do not like the excessive testing, the large class sizes, the stacks of grading I lug home, and the occasional rude and utterly unreasonable teenager. The paycheck is nice. So I put all that on a scale, and I'm not sure what the best decision is. Weighing the pros and cons may not be God's preferred method for decision making anyway. My husband and I are talking and praying about it. I started a master's degree in TESOL this year, which I could continue full time next year with online and summer courses. There are plenty of volunteer and maybe even part-time ESL teaching opportunities available. And if we were to start a family soon...I might very well have plenty to keep me occupied even without a full-time job. But really my main goal shouldn't be to be "happily occupied" but rather joyfully serving wherever God places me.

Finally, I want to invest in meaningful friendships this year. Whenever you move to a new place, it takes some time to build relationships. We have no family here now. My greatest history with anyone beside my husband is a year and a half. That means that there are all these pieces of me that no one else knows--at least initially. That's hard. It's also different building relationships as a married person than it was as a single. It seems a little slower, I guess, because my time is more divided now. We are enjoying the people in our Growth Group at church though. There are a few other residents and wives attending too, and the crossover is nice, as we have multiple things in common. Friendships are coming, but I want to work harder at investing this year.

And in all these things, may I strive for excellence, that God may be glorified: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Summer Reading: Part 2

While hiking in Britain, I exchanged books with my sister Maggie as well. She had been reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. The book is the first in a trilogy, which also includes Catching Fire, and Mockingjay. The books have become enormously popular among young people, and they are nearly impossible to find in the library right now. (As I learned, to my disappointment when trying to check out the second book from the Fort Worth Central Library.) The whole concept of the book is quite violent (a somewhat disturbing trend in young adult fiction these days), but the plot is well-crafted and the characters engaging. The setting is futuristic and dystopian. The country is tightly controlled and divided into twelve districts. Every year, in order to remind citizens of the government's control, two youths are chosen by lottery from every district and entered in the national "Hunger Games." An arena is constructed (much larger than the Roman Colosseum, more of a habitat really, but the same essential idea), and the tributes are released within it to fend for themselves. The winner is the one left alive at the end. Of course there are twists, and not all ensues as the government has planned.
In the second book, Catching Fire, the characters deal with the effects of their "rebellious" actions from book one. Although the second book of the trilogy doesn't match the first in terms of original plot, it's still a page-turner. Apparently, a movie will be made of The Hunger Games, but I'm not sure that I want to see it. One can avoid gory description in a book, but it would seem to be a bit more difficult on a television screen.

The next book of the summer was Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson. I picked this one up from the library of Ian's grandmother. The well-crafted novel paints a picture of racial tension on a small island in northern Washington. A Japanese American man is being tried for the murder of a fellow fisherman, and as the evidence is weighed and possible motives and opportunities considered, the author reveals the troubled past of the characters in a series of flashbacks. These flashbacks, which occur from multiple perspectives, can be a little disorienting and also slow the plot; however, they allow for full character development and a greater level of complexity. The story isn't really about the trial as much as how the trial, on the surface, reveals the tight intertwining of lives on the island. This is a good book to read and then to discuss.

After Ian and I watched The Divinci Code, I decided to give Dan Brown's other bestseller, Angels and Demons, a read. I found the illustrated edition at the library and took this one with me on vacation in Michigan. The illustrations and photos were really quite helpful as the book's plot revolves around historic sites in Rome that are part of the "Illuminati Path," a guide to members of this sect who met in secret, against the wishes of the Catholic Church. A murder of a scientist at the beginning of the novel, leads investigators to believe that the Illuminati are still active and attempting the destruction of Vatican City. A mad race through the streets of Rome ensues. This book is all about the plot. Most readers will probably not even notice the nominal character development; after all, things do get pretty exciting. Realistic? Not very, in my opinion.

On my sister's recommendation, I checked out Isabel Allende's Zorro. Allende writes an excellent historical novel, and her prose is often quite beautiful even in translation. I read Portrait in Sepia last year and really enjoyed it. I have also attempted one of her novels in Spanish, but I didn't have the patience with myself to finish it. Allende thoroughly develops her characters and is a master of point-of-view. Zorro tells the story of how Diego de la Vega became the renowned hero of his people. I don't know how much of the novel is based on popular myths and how much is Allende's creation, but she does such a nice job with details, that one is led to think that this might just be how it happened after all. No one particular conflict drives the plot forward; in fact, the story seems to sometimes meander along. The book is actually a series of stories, and could be appropriately titled "The Life and Adventures of a Young Zorro." Fans of the film and comic hero will enjoy the plot and writing critics the admirable craftsmanship.

The final book of the summer was Lost City Radio, a first novel by Daniel Alercon. I think that I was expecting historical fiction (No, you just can't judge a book by its cover sometimes.) To my surprise and initial disappointment, it was futuristic in setting. The action takes place in an unnamed South American country, which has recently been ravaged by a ten-year civil war. The protagonist, Norma, runs a radio program called "Lost City Radio," which attempts to reunite families and friends that have been separated by the war and forced migration to the city. Norma's own husband has disappeared, and when a young boy from the village comes to seek her help, she is reconfronted with the mystery surrounding this disappearance. It's an interesting read and the ideas are original, but I did get frustrated at points with excessive flashbacks and lack of details and explanations. (For example, I never found out what IL, a mysterious anti-government organization, stood for.) It was definitely good enough to finish and interesting to discuss with my husband, but I probably won't be rereading it anytime soon.

That's it for now! I hope to keep reading, but I may have to slow down a bit as other things (like returning to a full-time job) fill up my hours. My next book may be the assigned pre-ap reading, Man's Search for Meaning.

Summer Reading Review: Part 1

One of my favorite things about summer break is the opportunity for pleasure reading. It's not that I don't read during the school year, but--call me less than dedicated to my profession-- I somewhat prefer novels to student essays. Here is a brief summary and commentary on my summer reading:

First, Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. I found this one in my sister's library and took it home because (1) it had a colorful, cool-looking cover, (2) it claimed to be the winner of the Pulitzer Prize, and (3) it sounded like something that my husband might be interested in. Subtitled The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man who would Cure the World, Mountains beyond Mountains is the biography of a physician who has made an extraordinary impact in the field of public health. The book begins by introducing us to Farmer's work at a rural clinic established in Haiti, but the author follows Farmer to (among other places) Peru and Russia as he works to improve treatment of TB. Kidder does an excellent job weaving together the details of Farmer's life within the larger context of public health concerns.

The next book of the summer was Imperial Legions by Andrew Seddon. I had actually read this one previously, but I picked it up again to take with me on my hiking trip in Great Britain. The story is set in first-century Britain and revolves around the lives of a young Roman tribune and the Celtic woman with whom he falls in love. Among other colorful characters, which play roles in the story are the Apostle Paul and a Druid named Lovernios. Many of the places, characters, and events are historically accurate, and as I walked across the countryside of northern Great Britain, I enjoyed picturing the way that it might have looked, the people that might have walked this terrain, two thousand years earlier. Even the second time around, the book was a page-turner.

After finishing Imperial Legions, I swapped books with my mom and began reading The Listener by Taylor Caldwell. Apparently, Caldwell is best known for her book Dear and Glorious Physician. The Listener is the story of all those who visit the John Godfrey Memorial Building in order to see "the man who listens." They are the underprivileged, the corrupt, the betrayed, the anointed, the unhonored... No one knows exactly who "the man who listens" is exactly; he sits behind a curtain. Some think he is a psychologist, some a doctor, some a counselor, but at the end of the visit, individuals can press a small button if they wish to see the listener. No one leaves quite the same. Caldwell's characters are real and also, in a sense, universal, grounded in the basic human experience. Very thought-provoking, but not a book to read for plot.

A Birthday!

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I will be spending it in one of my very favorite places with some of my very favorite people. Macatawa is a family tradition, and one that actually goes pretty far back. My grandma's family used to come up from hot and humid St. Louis and spend the entire summer on the lake. Years later, she kept up the tradition with her own family, renting the cottage "Tim Buck II" for a month. The memory-making continued with my immediate family. I was introduced to Macatawa before my first birthday, and since that time, many more summers and, in fact, birthdays, have been spent there.

Maggie, Mom, Gus, and I at Mac

A week in Holland, Michigan always includes lots of time on the beach: reading, walking, climbing dunes, making sandcastles, enjoying the fresh breeze and warmth of the sun. Depending on the direction of the wind, the temperature of the water, and the size of the waves, we may be in the water a lot or just enough to cool off. We have a number of favorite restaurants in town, and we often go out for an evening meal. We visit Russ' at least once in the week. Then there's usually a morning of shopping, a movie, and almost always a trip to Saugatuk that includes blueberry picking and an ice cream cone.

Lake Michigan with Big Red in the background

These are the memories and the traditions that we have come to love as a family. As an older teen, I remember seeing couples on the beach and wishing that I also had someone special to share this place with. (Ok, my family is special, but you know what I mean.) I remember standing at the end of the pier and thinking, Someday, maybe I will stand here and share this familiar, much-loved view with the man I love. It's odd how some moments and the accompanying thoughts are as photographs in the mind. That's a moment, a photograph, that I remember distinctly. And now is the someday! I finally get to share with my husband this place that has so many memories for me. No doubt we'll make a few of our own memories here this week.

In Anticipation

What if I woke up every morning with joyful anticipation?

"God, I know that you have something special for me! Prepare me for the day ahead, and give me eyes to see the goodness in the moments that you are crafting for me."

I talked to my friend Christine last night, and this was her advice. "Greet each day with great expectation! You never know how God is going to reveal his faithfulness to you. Such joy is contagious, especially when I realize that the source of the joy is not Christine's circumstances but rather her sweet relationship with Jesus, nourished through daily prayer and time in the Word.

I am convicted by the fact that my joy is often a type of happiness based on circumstances. Fortunately, my circumstances have great cause to make me happy now, but I want to go about each day with the kind of deep-seated joy that cannot be thrown by difficulties. Lord, develop this in me, I pray.

Pen to Paper...or rather, Fingers to Keyboard

It is time to return to the written word. Or should I say, it is time that I return to writing words.

The last few years of life have been adventurous, to say the least. In the past four years, I've lived in four different countries; I've graduated, begun a career, learned another language, run marathons, and married the man I dearly love. Now life has slowed down a bit--although, strangely enough, I seem just as busy--and I find that I have less to say. It's not that life is any less fulfilling now or that I am less content, but I face the challenge of finding meaning in the everyday bits and pieces of ordinary living--living minus the components of a new culture, language, and people that have characterized life in a foreign country.

Some days, I fear that my mind is becoming dulled by grading paper after paper, my imagination wearied by teaching the same material six times a day, my patience thinned by the tedious task of reminding so and so to sit down and stop doing such and such, my idealism waning and my sense of adventure buried by the responsibility of caring for the educational well-being of 150 teenaged children...

My, but I sound tired and cynical. I see tired and cynical teachers every day at school--teachers who used to love the profession, love the kids, but who now find themselves just hanging on until retirement--I do not want to be one of these. I understand that at certain times in our lives, "survival mode" may be all that we can manage, but I firmly believe that God does not intend for us to live indefinately in survival mode. The apostle Paul said "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phil 4: 12). Contentment and joy are not dependent on circumstances. Ok, so my work may become a little mundane; I often don't feel appreciated; my husband has to work ridiculously long hours (We spend far more time with immature teenagers and sick patients than with one another); and I don't have any close friends yet in Fort Worth. But I am finally married to the man that I love more than I could have ever believed was possible. We have secure jobs that allow us to give generously to others. We have the strong support of our families, friends, and coworkers, and we are children of the King, with the promise of great things to look forward to!

That's something worth writing about

Food for Thought and Inspiration

I keep a little notebook with favorite quotations that I've picked up and noted down over the years as I read. Occasionally I leaf through the pages, in search of a writing prompt for class, something relevant to a recent conversation or article, or maybe mere food for thought and inspiration. I'd like to share a few of the quotations--no need for commentary at this point. I'll just let them stand on their own. Chew on them for a while.


"He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how." --Nietzche


"One gift a man dares not give is the mission by which his soul must live; for to dam up the river of the soul is to watch life whither where it grew." --Henrik Ibsen, Brand


"Nothing yield more pleasure and content to the soul then when it finds that which it loves fervently; for to love and live beloved is the soul's paradise, both here and in heaven." --John Winthrop


"Every image of the past that is not recognized by the present as one of its own concerns threatens to disppear irretrievably." --Walter Benjamin


"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." --Henry David Thoreau


"Not self-justification...but justification by grace, and therefore service, should govern the Christian community. Once a man has experienced the mercy of God in his life, he will henceforth aspire only to serve. The proud throne of the judge no longer lures him; he wants to be down below with the lowly and the needy, because that is where God found him." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together"


"Wherever we go, there seems to be only one business at hand--that of finding compromises between the sublimity of our ideas and the absurdity of the fact of us." --Annie Dillard, "An Expedition to the Pole"


"For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the inplacable grandeur of this life." --A. Camus


"To bring peace where there is trouble, love where there is hatred, abundance where there is hunger, educability where there is ignorance and illiteracy, confidence where there is doubt or uncertainty, and light where there is darkness--this is the role of true diplomacy. It is also the role of true Christian love." --Josiah Muganda


"It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God, but we have not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in mean streets among mean people." --Oswald Chambers


"In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us--that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everthing and for whom God is enough" --Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel


"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." --William Shakespeare, Hamlet